February 2012
7 posts
the most depressing thing i can think of is the fact that no matter how much I love someone, I will probably get tired of having sex with them eventually.
the second most depressing thing is that I wasn’t alive and following Springsteen around in 1978.
the worst thing someone can call me is boring. the second worst thing is probably someone calling me predictable.
if I ever wrote a book...
Ben E. King - Stand By Me
Sunday morning jams.
And what about giant ears that can pick up everything from the sound of tears forming in their ducts to the sound of your train roaring to a stop in Grand Central Station? And even though others can turn their ears way down below zero, you can still hear their thoughts.
What about headphones with frequencies you could tune to either happy or sad or lonesome. And then on any given day you could...
a dunkin donuts conversation
me jamming out to Thunder Road in my car in the drive-through
17 year old kid hands me my iced coffee
Him: The Boss! Nice!
Me: Do you want to go on a date and maybe get married?
Him: …
January 2012
52 posts
Regina Spektor - Dance Anthem of the 80’s
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sometimes I feel like I'm becoming less of a...
And it’s okay. it’s probably for the best, and I guess I always knew that this would be part of growing up. But man, I bet if I met 19-year-old me on the street, 19 year-old-me would knock my lights out.
the ballad of frank and cathy
Last weekend my two siblings (brother, Chris, 29/sister, Jamie, 18) drove up to Lake Oneida with my father and his girlfriend for my grandpa’s birthday. I blogged about it, whatever, you know. And the whole drive up there I was sitting in the front seat with my dad and Karen (the girlfriend). And all I could think about was this time when I was a kid and we were driving down to Virginia...
Oskar Schell uses the term “heavy boots” to describe any sort of emotional turmoil. Heavy Boots. heavy boots. heavy. boots.
The thing, I think, about having heavy boots is that it can happen to anyone at any time. You can be alone and have heavy boots and you can be in a room full of people and you can still have heavy boots. Heavy boots can be individual; or they can be collective...
Ingrid Michaelson - Ribbons
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sometimes i think of the most ridiculous things
like if i go into a gas station and leave my car running for the two seconds I am inside, I imagine it might get stolen. But not just stolen. Stolen by two people. One is black and one is white. They are criminals. But they are kind of fun-loving criminals, you know? Like once they are in my car and doing the whole getaway thing and I am standing outside the gas station on my cell phone shouting...
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i just got floor for Springsteen
I JUST GOT FLOOR FOR SPRINGSTEEN
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A father-daughter conversation
Dad: where does Papa Johns pizza even come from?
Me: Well the cheese probably comes from a commercial dairy farm somewhere in Wisconsin. The sauce is likely from a genetically modified tomato factory somewhere in California. And the toppings probably come from wherever they are cheapest.
Dad: blank stare
Dad: I mean like where is the closest Papa Johns store.
My Grandpa just told me this joke
When I used to go to the bar everyone thought I was Jesus Christ. I’d walk in and they would say, ‘Jesus Christ, you again?’
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Watchbutchwalker:
hello all you wonderful people. do you remember the movie “Dazed and Confused”? me too. it was and still is one of my favorite movies. reflects my childhood so much, and also Ben Affleck is a TOTAL asshole in it. i gotta say though, when it comes to classic characters, Matthew McConaughey’s “Wooderson” took the cake… and the high school girls with him… so.. to commemorate the 20...
I'm going to be in another wedding in June in...
21 more and I get a romantic comedy starring James Marsden and a bullet in my brain.
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How bad is the economy these days?
I’m watching Wheel of Fortune and the wheel is all jacked up on bankruptcy and Lose a Turn. And they’re giving away Kia’s.
Also, in what year were Pat Sajak and Vanna White cryogenically frozen?
“Sometimes I lie in my own bed and listen to music for hours. Always Bruce Springsteen, which is weird, I have to admit, because I’m becoming this really urban punked-out kid, and he is kind of the spokesman of the rumpled, working-class suburbs. But I identify with him so completely that I start to wish I could be a boy in New Jersey. I try to convince my mother that we should move...
Rilo Kiley - Portions for Foxes
There's only three levels of Jen:
Sober
Normal drunk
Build-a-pillow-fort-and-watch-a-Ben-Affleck-movie drunk.
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I Believe Jesus Brought Us Together (The Horrible...
"My butt looks awesome in these pants!"
-me, five minutes before realizing I’m drunk, usually.
WatchNot sure if I could possibly love anything more than this.
i wasn't going to write about this
but I was at my friend’s Dad’s funeral yesterday and the viewing started at 2pm and lasted until 7. It was like 2:30 and Amanda’s six-year old nephew Cameron came up to me and said “Grandpa’s got a bloody nose!” I glanced over at the casket and saw a light brown line from his nose to the side of his face. “No honey, it’s just the shadow. It’s...
I’m Going Down - Florence and the Machine...
there is this frank turner song where he has a...
but of course he says “i miss you, your music, and your musk and your kisses”. But I still sat here for twenty minutes trying to figure out why any guy would want to kiss any woman with kisses that are muscular.
I don’t think I’ll ever be very far from that 8 year old girl who bet her brother that them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ whiskey and wine.
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the truth about dogs and cats.
For me, you can be the strangest fucking dog person ever. you can have dog calendars hanging in your kitchen and dogs on your pajamas and knitted potholders that says “I <3 my Puggle” and have fourteen dogs and name them all after spices and dress them up in Halloween costumes and create Facebook pages for them and send your dogs by taxicab from New York City to San Francisco and...
Why I hate everyone part 649
(while discussing upcoming heart disease awareness event)
Coworker 1: We have to do guess the number of jelly beans. People LOVE guess the jelly beans.
Coworkers 3-5: Ooh yeah that’s a classic. Have to do it.
ME: Or we could have them guess the number of something that actually promotes heart health. Like raw almonds.
blank stares
awkward silence
Coworker 1: But everyone LOVES jelly...
Last night I had this elaborate dream that my dad had died. It lasted eight hours and I woke up with a pounding headache from crying so hard in my sleep, with my eyes glued shut with tears.
Five minutes ago my best friend from sixth grade called me and told me her Dad just passed away, suddenly.
I am so freaked out and sad right now.
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my alter-ego is Sara Elisabeth Swan
Sara Elisabeth Swan takes no bullshit. Sara Elisabeth Swan can eat a taco while driving. Sara Elisabeth Swan takes black and white photographs wherever she goes and develops them in a darkroom. Sara Elisabeth Swan sits alone in her apartment and drinks whiskey like me, but she tells better stories. She lives in California and Sara Elisabeth Swan can fucking surf. Sara Elisabeth Swan knows about...
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lessons in texting
what I meant to say: now that we are grown-ups can we please throw a fondue party?
what I said: now that we ate grown-ups can we please throw a fondle party?